Trade wars are no good. But there is something positive to come out of this: hidden in the more obscure corners of the the 1,300 industrial products targeted by Trump are some of the best band names we’ve seen in a while.
Who wouldn’t be intrigued by a black metal band called “Salts of Triethanolamine”? Or what about “Parts of Flange”, which we imagine is a sprawling, 10-member prog rock group, or maybe one of those silly jam bands where all the lyrics are about fictional animals.
The nascent trade war between the United States and China continues to escalate. A few days ago, China announced tariffs on 128 American products, covering close to $3 billion worth of US exports. Now, the Trump administration is preparing to retaliate, proposing import tariffs on 1,300 categories of Chinese products worth some $50 billion.
Here is a selection of killer band names in the list of proposed tariffs (pdf), including some ideas about what the groups would sound like.
Band name | Description/Genre |
---|---|
Klystron Tubes | Twee indie pop |
Molding Patterns | Political hip-hop |
Physical Vapor Deposition Apparatus | Postmodern techno |
Somatotropin | Progressive euro trance |
Mechanical Seals | Country |
Torque Converters | Psychedelic post-country |
Chain Sprockets and Parts Thereof | A cappella renditions of Kraftwerk songs |
Torpedo Tubes | Apocalyptic surf rock |
Blood Fractions | Mathcore, obviously |
Salts of Triethanolamine | Black metal, obviously |
Parts of Flange | Prog rock “collective” specializing in 30-minute “jams” |
(The) Automatic Thermostats | Gimmicky power-pop band where all five members play keyboard |
Milking Machines | 90s grunge |
Dairy machinery other than milking machines | Failed solo project by the rhythm guitarist from the above 90s grunge band |
Teleferics | Electro-pop MacBook trio |
Droperidol | Underground trap |
Angledozer Blades | Hardcore |
Parts of Chain Saws | Melodic hardcore |
Parts of Fire Extinguishers | Post-hardcore |
Parts of Molten-Salt-Cooled Acrylic Acid Reactors | Post-post hardcore |
Parts of Machines for Packing Tobacco, Wrapping Candy, Cigarette Packages and of Combination Candy Cutting and Wrapping Machines | Christian hardcore |
Snowplows and Snowblowers | The greater Milwaukee area’s premier Snow Patrol cover band |
(The) Transceivers | Ska punk revival |
Ceramic Dielectric Fixed Capacitors | Rap group known for its high number of rhymes-per-minute |
Prisms, mounted | Self-serious indie rock |
Unrecorded Magnetic Media | New wave-think Talking Heads but more acoustic |
Dobbies and Jacquards | Neo-honky tonk |
Artificial Parts of the Body | Minimal classical with an emphasis on repetition |
Super-heated Water Boilers | One-hit wonder famous for glam-rock anthem “Hott Watter” |
Profile Projectors | Instagrammable EDM |